1. Your husband must come first. When children land in our lives, the relationship changes. Despite this, the most important thing about being a mother is above all being a good wife, because that is how you teach your children the most important lesson of their lives: Love. Likewise, conjugal love will be what will allow you to face every circumstance of life. Some little tips to take care of your husband: smile at him when you answer the phone. He will not be able to see it but he will “feel” it. Send him messages of love. It is curious that when we get married the subject of our communications in text messages changes radically ( here is an interesting article). Give him a kiss every time you say goodbye and a hug every time he comes home. Shake hands when they are sitting in the car.
2. Have a messy house. My mother always told me: first people, then things. It is impossible to have an impeccable house at all times and a happy family. But it is also true that an organized house gives peace. Set goals for yourself, such as keeping common places – like the kitchen, living room, and dining room – decent and doing a deep cleaning every now and then. Take great care of the organization and logic of the house. There is a whole world dedicated to that. If the issue of taking care of the house takes away your peace, you will have to think about hiring a maid. Although it may be very expensive, it is a significant expense since it will be a benefit for family serenity.
3. Defend your spaces. One of the great defects of moms is that we let the world take over our spaces. I am referring to spaces in the house, spaces of intimacy in the couple, spaces to work, space to be alone and cultivate hobbies, space to have friends. Your primary needs come before the secondary needs of others. Organize your home so that you can feel that there is a place for you and defend it. The bathroom is a private space and so is your room !! Then close the bathroom door and get the toys out of your room! Conquer a time for yourself, a “time of luxury”, where you can cultivate what you like, even if it is brief. Do everything you can to have a space to be with your husband as well. And … when you’re at home, work on things around the house, while when you’re at work take care of things at work.
4. Take care of family communication Eating with your own family is one of the best ways to build family communication. Instead of asking what have you done today? Try three questions: 1. Tell me the most beautiful thing that happened to you today, 2. Tell me the thing you liked the least today, 3. Tell me one good thing that you have done today for others. This “game” works with the whole family – parents included – from 3 to 100 years old. Try it for at least a week, and you will see how it will become a ritual that no one will want to miss!
5. Keep realizing your dreams – or just put them off. The arrival of children changes priorities and dreams. One of the greatest wishes of all moms is that their children be happy. But there are other dreams, perhaps more personal, that it is good to try to realize. Sometimes it is a question of postponing them, sometimes of carrying them out in part or in an unexpected way. But we must continue to maintain dreams that have to do with our passions and desires.
6. Have friends. And don’t compare yourself to other moms. Although it seems that the husband and children fill everything, women still need to have good friends. They are the ones that encourage us when we are sad or who know how to share good “feminine” moments. But there are some dangers between friends: jealousy, comparisons, judgments that make us feel better or worse than others. In all these situations you lose out, so better recognize and fight them!
7. Give your children wings and roots. One of the great challenges of education is to give children a foundation that can give them stability throughout life. At the same time, these foundations should not prevent the child from flying. It is about a constant tension between dependency and independence, wanting our children to be close to us – to be like us – and letting them go, both physically and psychologically. Mothers have a propensity to want to create dependency, even if we don’t admit it. Let your husband help you so that your children can find their own way!
8. Learn to delegate. God made women so similar to Him that He gave her the ability to know how to do everything, even in multitasking mode. Despite this, we are not all-powerful! Not only do we need the help of others, but those around us need us to give them the possibility of doing things, even if they do them differently. It is about having our arrogance under control to trust others in order that they grow in independence and self-esteem. Start delegating and do it with your husband first. He is part of your team!
9. Forgive your own mistakes and those of others, but indulge in your shortcomings. Sometimes it is easier to forgive others than to forgive yourself, especially if the mistake we made concerns the sphere of motherhood. If you can, you have to ask for forgiveness and find a way to start over without letting what happened to prevent you from being better. At the same time, a good mom constantly struggles to improve her own shortcomings.
10. Be happy and enjoy things. There is a very common saying in the US that says When the Queen is happy, there is peace in the Kingdom. Do you realize the responsibility you have? Your happiness is the key to your family’s happiness! Have you laughed together with your family today? Are you satisfied (although tired)? Do you know how to enjoy the small daily things or do you feel suffocated by the things that have to be done? Remember that the best mother is not the most beautiful, nor the most committed, nor the most organic, the best cook or the best educator, nor the most organized or the one who dedicates the most time to her children. But the happy mother.